Ace Acme Insurance Group & Their Super Employee Shenanigans
by 123AKM456
Summary: What if in the Super Universe Insurance Company's secretly hire Villains, Anti Hero's & Superhero's to destroy areas of the City & people's property that did not take out Insurance against them? This is the story of two employees of AAIG - how they met & fell In Love in between destroying the city to make a living!
1. AAIG: Chapter 1

**Ace Acme Insurance Group & Their Superhero Employee Shenanigans**

 _ **CHAPTER 1:**_

Peter Parker had been at the lower income level of society, ever since he moved out of his Aunt May's middle income home, and established himself as his alter ego Spider-Man, he had been strapped for cash. Recently he had heard that Insurance Company's were hiring a certain sub-set of the population - Super Powered people, usually anti-heroes & villains, but they did not object to hiring heroes in need of a larger income.

It was up to him to either go undercover to put a stop to the practice or since Spider-Man _was_ considered "a menace" embrace it and work for the corrupt industry. People who knew _nothing_ about him naturally assumed he would have worked to "bring them down," but those individuals did not truly know him! He was tired of losing weight and tired of being so darn hungry _all_ the flipping time.

With his accelerated healing rate, he burned through the fat in food faster than the average athlete, and he needed copious amounts to actually not starve himself to death. Hence the reason he so desperately wanted to be hired on at 'Ace Acme Insurance Group for Homeowners - Super & Non-Super Persons: Villains & Anti-Heroes Department' - They paid more _if_ you had a Super Power and could, as one individual put it but swore they would deny in court, "Ramp up the damage to Property and the surrounding city while fighting!"

As Spider-Man he was known for his honesty, even though the newspapers called him 'The Red & Blue Menace' as of late, and this Insurance Company had leapt at the chance to have him work for them. They wanted him so badly that they even had housing, and so he had moved from his overpriced yet minuscule apartment in a dilapidated part of the city to this Modern High Rise that was Fully furnished and positively _gorgeous_!

His apartment was filled with comfortable red and black furniture, tasteful black and white photographs of New York City as well as Paris, modern stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, along with a black granite countertop that had shinning blue specs throughout, and two stainless steel prepping area's - one right beside the stove, and the other right off the vast double sink that overlooked his spacious, open floor-plan living room.

The living room had a wall of window-doors that can be pulled open to create an indoor/ outdoor room. It brought in the afternoon sun and the large sectional red couch was set against the opposite wall creating a comforting place to lounge, whether or not the doors were open or closed. It was true that room was apartment beige but behind the seating area, there was a distinctive charcoal grey accent wall.

Peter even had two bedrooms. A rather large master bedroom with an attached master bath that had a white soaking Jacuzzi tub, a walk-in white and grey marble shower that had one of those constantly flowing bronze showerhead's that ran cold water until you flipped a switch and it ran hot water from a modern tankless water heater.

The master bathroom had white porcelain double vanity sinks and bronze faucets. The guest bathroom had brushed nickel faucets and a single clear, blue glass sink that sat on the white and grey marble vanity top. The cabinet in that room was as small as it could be, only a couple of feet wide barely fitting in-between the toilet and small shower stall, and it was painted black, while the master bathroom vanity was stained black oak, and took up an entire wall to the left of the door.

Although the master bathroom is a quite spacious, the other bathroom is nearly the size of his master bedroom's walk-in closet. His master bathroom was painted a tasteful medium blue colour, and his guest's bathroom was a pale sage. They both had black and white photographs in black frames with white and cream matting. His master bathroom had pictures of Paris, and his smaller guest bathroom had a single picture of Spider-Man swinging through New York City, sort of as an in-joke to those who knew who he was inside and outside the mask.

Being Spider-Man he had one of the few Penthouses so he had roof access for his Superhero Activities. This also created a few problems because a few of his neighbours who happened to be mostly villains, apparently objected to the fact that he was a hero and was being housed here along-side them at all. After a few smashed candles on his deck and a cracked window in his kitchen, he had taken to locking his large window-doors, and all of the smaller ones that were accessible by any means from the rooftop patio.

He had just come back home after webbing up some guys he had caught committing a robbery at a jewellery store where the owner felt that he simply must show his gratitude by shoving a beautiful diamond necklace that looked to be worth over $10,000 at him "for your girlfriend". Then the man had winked before adding, "or maybe your future wife!"

After extracting himself from that personally embarrassing situation, he had placed the webbed up criminals in front of One Police Plaza with a note attached to their ring leader's chest stating plainly their crimes, along with a catellog of what they had stolen. Even though he had already returned the jewellery to the grateful store owner.

Following such a busy night all he wanted to do was sleep. So of course he could only to come home to discover one of the smaller side windows smashed in - the one that was between his kitchen, and living room area. His beautiful, dark black stained hardwood floor in that section of his home seemed to be just covered in shards of broken glass from what he could see, standing outside on his ceder deck and peering inside to his dining room.

Cautiously moving forward with a steel baseball bat he picked up from behind one of the large black marble planters that had miniature dwarf pink cherry blossom trees in bloom on his balcony. Spider-Man made his way forward by unlocking the door to the living room with the key he kept hidden in a fake outlet.

His swings with the bat could be deadly with his Super Strength! Not to mention his webbing, as well as the ability to tie up any criminal and send them to the Police Station. Confident he could deal with any possible break-in, he crept forward.

What he finds next is wholly unexpected.

Sitting on his own couch, he discovers a bloody, dead body!

 **AUTHORS NOTE:**

 _ **This fanfiction will be Updated weekly.**_

 ** _For now,_ EVERY _Saturday!_**

 ** _BETA: I wish to thank my Beta, RM._**

 ** _She has been so very helpful!_**


	2. AAIG: Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2:**

Deadpool had heard about insurance company's hiring villains, anti-hero's and heroes alike to "do damage" to specific areas. Usually on purpose by the villains, or "by accident" for the anti-hero's, and heroes. After meeting an entirely forgettable dark haired man in a dark charcoal grey suit, and wearing sunglasses at night he found himself immediately hired on. After all what was another explosion to him?

Yellow and White, the voices in his head agreed. It was nothing to any of them and they even earned a little extra on every job in New York State. There was even the housing perk with New York City's horribly overpriced housing situation, that was really saying something. Deadpool had to admit the housing perk that came with free cleaning and maintenance was the real reason he had wanted to work for this specific insurance company. Well that and the fact that they encouraged him to blow things up.

The only trouble he was experiencing had started last week, but culminated in today: Paperwork! Mountains upon mountains of paperwork. Deadpool did not survive Department K and their damned experiments to fucking drown in paperwork! He started to spin in his silver and dark blue office chair. Soon he had to ask for one of those Geek Assistants that they were always bragging about down by the water cooler, and quickly! Or else he was going to blow his brains out and not for anything fun. Unlike how his last Valentine Meet-Up with Death was supposed to go... he grew depressed.

Death had dumped him. On Valentine's Night too. What nerve she had! As though meeting a few times a year wasn't worth it? God! He needed to get out if here! He was depressing himself more. This is when he heard it. A couple of voices talking about a potential job.

Abruptly he stopped spinning in his metal chair, got up, walked the three feet passed his small silver desk, and the fluffy orange cat poster of a fluffy orange cat holding a poster inside it hanging on the light blue wall towards his office door, and leaned against it to eavesdrop.

"Nobody can seem to catch 'em!" Followed by high pitched laughter, and then added an comment, "Not even The Avengers!"

Deadpool presses his ear to the fake light oak wooden door because the laughter that came after that additional statement drowned out something else that was said and could have been important.

"... Down in Hell's Kitchen, well that's appropriate!"

No matter how much Deadpool strained to listen he could not catch what the woman muttered next. Intent on not missing anything more, he pressed himself even more tightly to the fake wooden door to continue listening as he tried to avoid the nickel door handle from digging any further into his left shoulder.

"The Devil should have stayed out of this one!"

"He is welcome to try!"

"Nobody except The Devil knows; if even he does!"

 ** _WHITE: ("So we are going to hunt The Devil in Hell's Kitchen for answers now? This won't end well!")_**

 **YELLOW: {"It could be fun though! If you get to kill enough people, which you probably won't."}**

"What the HELL do you two know? You're just a pair of imaginary damn voices!" (Does he say this out loud? Or in his head?)

 **YELLOW: {"We're people too. You're so mean!"} As he went off on a tangent.**

 ** _WHITE: ("Call it: Intuition!") He snapped, staying on track._**

"I'll call it what it is: INSANITY!"

 ** _WHITE: ("So is talking to yourself, buddy. That NEVER stopped you before. Well not yet anyways.")_**

 **YELLOW: ("I'm only in if we kill a lot of people, and this so-called mission sounds dull." He is pouting as usual when he didn't get his way.**

Shaking his head in a futile attempt to dislodge those two downers, he might have missed something else the people outside his office had said. Oh, well! This was no way to start a Mission but tracking down The Devil of Hell's Kitchen shouldn't be difficult, time consuming or very limb threatening.

Deadpool stood up, walked past his tiny desk, pushing his chair in, as he walks over to the open window. Exiting his little office window and making his way down the black grab line he had placed on it for situations such as this, he headed towards Hell's Kitchen with more determination, than common sense...

 ** _Author's Note: The next chapter is going to be delayed. I do apologise in I keep to these Saturday Publications, the next chapter will be up on: 04/24/2016._**


	3. AAIG: Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3:**

Suddenly the dead body in the ripped and torn red and black leather superhero suit moves slightly and then moans faintly.

Rushing forward he reaches out for the man before he falls off of his couch and proceeds to place his head against Peter's chest and his body in Peter's lap. As Peter seats himself on his comfortable red couch he practically cradles the larger leather costumed individual.

The scarred man in his lap looks up at Peter, opens his deep, dark chocolate brown eyes as he gasps and speaks, _"An angel hath rescued me, a Sinner from the nether reaches of Hell."_ Then promptly passes out, seemingly from the blood loss.

Not really knowing what to do for a man that is so close to dying he should already be dead, Peter cradles the much larger man as best as he can. Humming to soothe him, and in an attempt to be comforting, he reaches out his right hand, and gingerly strokes the man's bloody, wounded cheek which is seeping puss out of open sores. From the blood loss and the fact that he had originally appeared dead, he should be ice cold, but oddly enough the man is hot to the touch. _'Perhaps he is running a fever from his many wounds?'_ Peter thinks to himself.

As Deadpool lays passed out in Spider-Man's lap, he dreams of what got his noisy arse into this mess. It wasn't pretty but here goes:

 _"It was a dark and stormy night!"_ Deadpool's unconscious self laughs at this new foolishness. "That's not exactly what happened to land us in Spider-Man's luscious embrace!"

What truly happened was far, far _less_ picturesque, and far, far _more_ bloody.

He had followed that tiny lead which he had overheard eavesdropping on his fellow co-workers only to hunt down The Devil of Hell's Kitchen, and ask him what manner of creature even The Avengers were afraid to hunt down. It turned out that they weren't _afraid_ , but rather just highly _intelligent_ individuals!

You _see_ , Dear Reader's - The Punisher has _officially_ come to Hell's Kitchen.

Bringing with him both his extensive weapon collection, and desire to pull the trigger at _anyone_ or _anything_ that so much as looked at him wrong. And as we well know Readers, Deadpool _always_ looks at people _wrong_.

So there The Merc with the Mouth found himself after confronting Daredevil, receiving the news that The Punisher was currently wrecking havoc in his town, and stupidly deciding that going after that insane man for sensible answers was an actual sane plan. The Punisher wasted no time at all in shooting Deadpool twice in the chest, once in the head - leaving him for dead, and to make matters a thousand times worse that bastard just had to blow off his right hand before he left him bleeding out in the sprinkling rain too.

What _nerve_!

After waking some time earlier tonight from his brutal "murder", Deadpool managed to make it back to his apartment building's rooftop. Having forgotten his key, he then broke the smaller kitchen window, climbed through it, then used the sink to clean up. Before trying to go to his bedroom, he became quite disoriented and ends up on a rather soft couch before he promptly passed out.

'That so-called "man" is even more insane than we are,' Deadpool says concerning The Punisher to both of his boxes - White and Yellow, inside his head.

Feeling even more strange, Deadpool hears somebody calling to him.

 **YELLOW: {Wakey-wakey."} As he sing-songs.**

Getting no response, White takes his turn to attempt trying to awaken Deadpool from his unconscious remembrances.

 ** _WHITE: ("Wake up! You damn fool!")_**

"Where are we?" Deadpool practically silently mumbles.

 ** _WHITE: ("You've gone and broke into Spider-Man's apartment; you idiot!")_**

"Spidey?"

Peter stops caressing the man in shock. He had thought for a minute there that since he wasn't dead, he would in fact die. Not for one moment did he imagine this corpse would become reanimated, and then actually begin to speak to him!

"Spidey, is that you? Owe! My brain's gone all fuzzy from losing so much blood. Oh! And reattaching my right wrist. Going to need that later so I can masturbate to you rescuing me like a damsel in distress. Definitely!"

"God!" Peter snaps, and without thinking he shoves the man off of his lap. With an abrupt thud the man hits the floor, and he immediately regrets his haste. That sounded so painful, and the other man was still healing. Peter should not be causing him even more pain by tossing him around like that; in fact he should apologise.

"I'm sorry! But really! You shouldn't say such things!" Spider-Man explains to him as he starts to apologise.

Confused the larger man asks, "You'd rather I lie to you?"

"No!" The smaller man no longer holding him begins to shout in distress. "No, but you shouldn't be talking about masturbation right after almost DYING!"

 **YELLOW: {"CLEARLY he's NEVER met us before!"}**

"Sadly no," replies Deadpool aloud, answering the voice in his head.

 **YELLOW: {"When do we not talk about sex?"}**

"Uh, never," Deadpool once again answers out loud.

 ** _WHITE: ("That was rhetorical," White adds needlessly.)_**

Now it is Spider-Man's turn for confusion, "What?"

"I'm Deadpool, otherwise known as: The Merc with the Mouth! I've got two voices in my head: Yellow the sarcastic bastard and White the buzz kill! I cannot die. I ALWAYS come back; I've healed from just about anything and everything! A little blood loss and missing an appendage isn't much to hold me down any day. Or even any night," Deadpool adds that last bit with what he intends to be a seductive leer, but it merely comes across as foolish looking.

"Deadpool, is it?" Peter asks gently.

Continuing, "I'm Spider-Man. Here let me help you back up on the couch."

Reaching for the other man, he uses his Super Strength to lift him back onto his lap with ease, and he places his right hand onto Wade's head as he starts to pet him tenderly as he leans into it.

Hardly audible because he is enjoying the petting far, far too much Deadpool lays his head upon Peter's chest as he replies with what sounds almost like a cat's purr, "I've heard of Spider-Man. I just didn't know you lived here."

Louder he adds, "Sorry for breaking in and ruining your night, Spidey."

"It isn't ruined," Peter disagrees calmly. "By the way: I'm Peter. Peter Parker." He says by way of introduction.

Slurring his words like a drunken fool Deadpool mutters in shock, "Never thought you'd tell me your name. Well, not volunteeringly anyways."

Picking up his head and firming up his words he thoughtfully adds, "Wade. I'm Wade Wilson," as he gazes into Peter Parker's bright copper brown eyes.

Rubbing his left hand against Wade's bare cheek he is pleased and you can hear it in his voice.

"I'm quite pleased to meet you, Wade Wilson."

Startled by the sudden realisation Wade Wilson sits up abruptly. "Where's my mask?" He demands frantically.

"It seams to have been damaged by whatever happened to you," Peter answers. "I'm sorry."

Moving away from the warmth of Peter's body, Wade Wilson becomes even more frantic as he shouts, "Don't LOOK at me!" As he covers his face with his hands in shame.

"Here, I'm closing my eyes," Peter tries to soothe him as he does so.

Peter delicately attempts to comfort Wade, "I'm sorry; if I did something wrong."

"Don't want anybody to have to deal with the scars." Deadpool snarls looking at Peter between his fingers.

"I didn't notice," Peter tells the other man.

"Yeah, right!" Deadpool's snarky reply comes snapping back as he lowers his hands entirely.

"Believe me or not, but I don't notice such things about people." Peter responds and then to shock him he adds, "I'm not a superficial asshole!" Deadpool's eyes do actually widen in complete and utter awe as Peter continues, "Why would scars bother me? I have more than a few from being a Super Hero," he tells Deadpool with a shrug of his shoulders.

 **YELLOW: {Shag him! Shag him senseless against a wall. No! The ceiling! No! Let him shag us. That's better; you always prefer to bottom."}**

 ** _WHITE: ("But who the hell is this guy? He's too good to be true!" He pauses thoughtfully before adding, "NO! He's too GOOD for YOU, Deadpool! Don't EVEN think about it!")_**

Placing his arms lightly around Spider-Man, Deadpool snaps at them both, "I can have good relationships, you know!"

With that he leans towards Peter Parker and proceeds to kiss him soundly on his lips.

... And is promptly shoved on his ass!

 **AUTHOR's NOTES: This has been Updated again on 23, April 2016. Please 're-read this chapter before you read the next when it is up. Since I've got my other fanfic to Update to this should be Updated every other week. (Although I really need to Publish more of the other because this has three chapters to the others single chapter only. Comment AND Vote if you want me to Publish this one next! I shall listen to what my fans want!**


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